Healing After Narcissistic Abuse: Overcoming Helplessness and Trauma with Compassion and Support

Experiencing trauma can leave deep emotional scars, often making you feel as though your power and control over life have been taken away. Whether you’ve been subject to emotional, physical, or psychological abuse, the feelings of helplessness can be overwhelming. It’s not uncommon to feel trapped and powerless in the face of traumatic events, especially if those experiences involve manipulation or abuse at the hands of a malignant narcissist or other abuser. However, while these feelings are painful and heavy, they do not define your worth or your future. There is hope, and healing is possible.

Acknowledging Helplessness After Trauma: A Necessary First Step

It’s important to understand that the helplessness you may feel after trauma is a natural response. When you’re caught in a situation where someone strips you of control—especially through abuse, whether physical or psychological—helplessness isn’t just an emotional response, it’s a reality. It’s how your body and mind cope with the overwhelming sense of powerlessness.

Abusers, particularly malignant narcissists, manipulate their victims into believing they have no control, no voice, and no worth. They distort your sense of reality, leaving you confused, anxious, and doubting yourself. In this space, it’s okay to acknowledge how deeply these experiences affect you. You are not weak for feeling helpless; you are human. But please know, even in the midst of this darkness, there is light at the end of this journey.

Understanding Learned Helplessness: Breaking Free from Despair

While your feelings of helplessness are legitimate, there is a psychological concept called learned helplessness that can make the aftermath of trauma even more challenging. This concept, introduced by psychologists Martin Seligman and Steven Maier in the 1960s, refers to the idea that after repeatedly facing situations where you have no control, you may start to believe that nothing you do matters. Learned helplessness leads to a state of resignation—an “I give up” mentality—where even when opportunities to change arise, you feel incapable of acting on them.

Seligman’s work began with experiments involving dogs, where the animals were repeatedly given electric shocks they could not escape. Eventually, even when they were offered a way out, they remained passive, having been conditioned to believe escape was impossible (Seligman, 1975). People can experience something similar. After enduring prolonged abuse or trauma, you may begin to believe that nothing will ever change, that your actions are futile, and that you are destined to remain trapped. This belief can perpetuate depression and anxiety, making it harder to break free from the mental and emotional chains that bind you.

But here’s the truth: you are not trapped. While your past may have conditioned you to feel helpless, you still have the power within you to change your future.

Legitimate Helplessness After Trauma: It’s Not Your Fault

It’s vital to differentiate between learned helplessness and the real feelings of helplessness that arise after significant trauma. When you’ve been abused, particularly by someone who systematically manipulates you—like a narcissist—those feelings are not irrational or imagined. They are rooted in the very real experience of having your autonomy and agency stripped away. Abuse creates a dynamic in which you’re intentionally disempowered, and this makes it incredibly difficult to find your footing again. The feelings of powerlessness that accompany trauma are not a sign that something is wrong with you—they are evidence of what you’ve endured.

For many who suffer from narcissistic abuse, the manipulation often involves gaslighting, controlling behaviors, and even social isolation. Narcissists seek to break down your self-confidence, making you doubt your worth and reality. Over time, you may feel you can no longer trust yourself, let alone others. This kind of trauma cuts deep, and the healing journey is not easy. But you are not powerless. Despite what you’ve been through, you are still here, and you have the strength to rebuild.

Finding Strength in the Face of Helplessness

No matter how profound your trauma, healing is possible. It will take time, patience, and sometimes the support of professionals, but you can regain a sense of control over your life. Research shows that certain approaches are particularly effective in helping individuals move from helplessness toward empowerment.

1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT helps you identify and challenge the distorted thoughts that fuel feelings of helplessness. By breaking down negative patterns, it can empower you to regain control over your emotional and psychological responses (Hofmann et al., 2012). This therapy teaches that while you may not have been able to control the traumatic events, you can control how you respond to them moving forward.
2. Trauma-Informed Care: Trauma-informed therapy focuses on understanding the impact of trauma on both the mind and body. It’s not just about addressing the symptoms, but about helping you feel safe, empowered, and in control again. Trauma-informed care honors your experience and gently guides you toward healing in a way that acknowledges your trauma while building resilience (SAMHSA, 2014).
3. Building Resilience: While trauma can shatter your sense of self, resilience offers a pathway to recovery. Resilience doesn’t mean you’re unaffected by the trauma, but it means you have the capacity to recover and grow from it. Research shows that supportive relationships, finding meaning in life, and self-care practices are essential components of resilience (Bonanno, 2004). You don’t have to go through this alone; surrounding yourself with people who care can make a tremendous difference.
4. Faith and Spirituality: Many find solace and strength in faith. Jesus himself took time to retreat to quiet places to pray and seek peace, particularly during moments of distress (Luke 5:16). If faith is part of your life, turning to it in times of helplessness can be a source of profound comfort. In Matthew 11:28, Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” These words can serve as a reminder that even in your darkest moments, there is a path to peace and rest through faith.
5. Small Steps Toward Empowerment: Healing from trauma doesn’t happen overnight, and the road to reclaiming your power may feel long and winding. Start by taking small steps: set boundaries, make decisions for yourself, engage in self-care, and slowly regain your autonomy. Over time, these small actions will add up, helping you rebuild your confidence and reclaim control over your life.

Recognizing False Guilt and Manipulation: You Deserve Freedom

It’s important to recognize that, in cases of abuse, particularly from malignant narcissists, guilt is often used as a tool of control. You may be made to feel responsible for things that were never your fault. This false guilt serves to keep you trapped, undermining your sense of self and preventing you from moving on. True guilt can guide us toward making amends and growing from our mistakes, but false guilt is a weapon wielded by abusers to keep you in a state of submission.

It’s critical to recognize when someone is manipulating your emotions for their own benefit. Guilt, in these cases, is not a reflection of your wrongdoings but a tactic to maintain power over you. You deserve to be free from this cycle of manipulation and to make choices based on your own integrity, not out of fear of what others may think or demand.

There Is Hope: Healing Is Possible

In the midst of your pain and feelings of helplessness, it’s easy to believe that things will never get better. But you are stronger than you realize. The journey to healing may be long, but it is possible. You are not alone in your struggle, and with the right support, you can move beyond your trauma and reclaim your power. Every step forward, no matter how small, is a victory.

As you take these steps, remember that you deserve peace, love, and respect. You are worthy of healing, and while the road may be difficult, it will also be transformative. You can regain your sense of self, your sense of control, and ultimately, your sense of hope. Healing is not just a possibility—it’s your future.

Reaching Out for Support

You don’t have to navigate the path to healing on your own. If you’re struggling with the feelings of helplessness or trauma, consider reaching out to George or Lesley from Waypoint Wellness & Performance Coaching. Both George and Lesley have extensive experience in trauma-informed care, and they understand how deeply trauma can impact your life. Their compassionate and personalized approach ensures that you feel heard, supported, and empowered as you move toward recovery.

Waypoint’s trauma-informed care focuses on creating a safe and nurturing environment for healing. George and Lesley believe in the power of building resilience, self-compassion, and self-efficacy. They know that recovery is possible, and they are committed to walking alongside you on this journey, helping you regain your sense of control and well-being.

Remember, you don’t have to stay trapped in the cycle of helplessness. With the right guidance and support, things will get better. You deserve healing, and George and Lesley are here to help you every step of the way.

To reach out to George or Lesley for coaching support head over to the contact page. Click Here

For further reading check out, “Healing Trauma: Integrating Faith & Science.” Click Here

References

• Bonanno, G. A. (2004). Loss, trauma, and human resilience: Have we underestimated the human capacity to thrive after extremely aversive events? American Psychologist, 59(1), 20-28.
• Hofmann, S. G., Asnaani, A., Vonk, I. J., Sawyer, A. T., & Fang, A. (2012). The efficacy of cognitive behavioral therapy: A review of meta-analyses. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 36(5), 427-440.
• Seligman, M. E. P. (1975). Helplessness: On depression, development, and death. W. H. Freeman.
• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). (2014). Trauma-Informed Care in Behavioral Health Services.