Is Your Relationship Struggling? Here’s What You Can Do Right Now
Relationships can sometimes leave us feeling confused, disconnected, or unsure about what’s going wrong. We might wonder why conversations often lead to misunderstandings or why closeness feels elusive despite our best intentions. However, one powerful step toward clarity and deeper connection begins not by analyzing our partner but by taking a closer look at ourselves. Relationships thrive when each partner actively takes responsibility for what they personally bring to the table. Rather than focusing on your partner’s deficits, shifting the spotlight inward to assess your contributions can significantly enhance the quality and health of your partnership.
Personal Inventory: Owning Your Role
Jesus taught, “First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:5). Reflecting on this wisdom helps bring the best parts of yourself to your relationship.
A healthy relationship requires regular self-reflection. Take a moment to honestly assess:
- Am I consistently offering empathy, respect, encouragement, and openness?
- Do I actively listen, or am I merely waiting for my turn to speak?
- Am I genuinely present in interactions, or distracted by external factors?
Taking responsibility empowers you to become more intentional in your relationship, creating an inviting atmosphere that compels your partner to join you in deeper connection.
Avoiding Relationship Sabotage: The Four Horsemen
According to renowned relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, four negative behaviors predict relationship breakdown with alarming accuracy:
- Criticism: Habitually pointing out your partner’s faults instead of addressing behaviors constructively.
- Contempt: Communicating with disrespect, mocking, sarcasm, or disdain.
- Defensiveness: Refusing responsibility by responding defensively or shifting blame.
- Stonewalling: Emotionally withdrawing, becoming unresponsive or disengaged.
Recognizing your own tendency toward these behaviors is crucial.
Antidotes to Strengthen Connection:
Fortunately, each harmful habit has a powerful antidote:
- Replace Criticism with Gentle Start-ups: Clearly and kindly express your concerns without attacking your partner’s character.
- Replace Contempt with Appreciation: Cultivate a habit of regularly acknowledging and appreciating your partner’s strengths and contributions.
- Replace Defensiveness with Ownership: Accept responsibility for your part in conflicts, showing willingness to engage and improve.
- Replace Stonewalling with Engagement: Stay present, breathe deeply to self-soothe, and communicate your need for a break clearly when overwhelmed—always intending to return to the conversation.
Steps Toward Positive Change:
Your proactive effort to own your contributions can transform your relationship:
- Commit to daily acts of appreciation and affirmation.
- Regularly check in emotionally, demonstrating openness and availability.
- Maintain consistency between your words and actions.
- Cultivate growth by actively seeking feedback and implementing change.
Remember, taking personal responsibility doesn’t mean twisting yourself into someone you’re not. Instead, it involves cultivating self-awareness and understanding your partner more deeply, allowing you both to grow authentically. Your genuine growth and willingness to develop these areas become the solid foundation your relationship needs. You matter, and the unique qualities you naturally possess—your empathy, kindness, patience, and love—are invaluable. By intentionally stepping up and bringing your best self to the table, you ignite a powerful and positive shift within your relationship. Love, after all, is the greatest agent of change, inspiring your partner to join you, creating a partnership rooted in mutual respect, deep connection, and lasting fulfillment. If you’re looking for guidance or support in strengthening your relationship and bringing your best self forward, reach out to Waypoint Wellness & Performance Coaching. We are here to help you navigate your journey toward deeper connection and lasting joy.
To reach out to George or Lesley for coaching support head over to the contact page. Click Here
For further reading check out:
- “Slipping Away” Click Here
- “Managing Conflict “ Click Here
