Making Friends After 50: Building Meaningful Connections

Making friends at any age can be challenging, but it can feel especially daunting after 50. Life changes such as retirement, relocation, or the loss of a spouse can make it more difficult to maintain and create new friendships. However, it’s never too late to build meaningful connections. Here’s a guide to help you navigate the journey of making friends after 50, understanding what makes a good friend, and identifying those who may not have your best interests at heart.

The Importance of Friendship in Later Life

Friendship plays a crucial role in our overall well-being, especially as we age. According to a study published in the Journal of Aging and Health, strong social ties are linked to longer life expectancy and better mental health (Gow et al., 2013). Friendships provide emotional support, reduce stress, and offer a sense of belonging, all of which contribute to a higher quality of life.

What Makes a Good Friend?

Understanding what constitutes a good friend is the first step in fostering meaningful relationships. Clinical psychologist and author Jordan Peterson highlights a key indicator of a true friend: how they respond to your success. “A friend is someone who is genuinely happy when you have good news,” Peterson explains. This response indicates that they care about your well-being and are not envious or competitive.

Peer-reviewed research also supports this notion. A study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that mutual enjoyment of each other’s successes strengthens friendships (Aron et al., 2000). Good friends celebrate your achievements, provide emotional support, and respect your boundaries.

Red Flags: What Doesn’t Make a Good Friend?

Just as important as knowing what makes a good friend is recognizing the red flags of a potentially harmful relationship. The story of the Prodigal Son from the Bible provides a timeless example. After squandering his inheritance on lavish living, the Prodigal Son found himself abandoned by those who had enjoyed his generosity. They were in his life long enough for him to spend his money on them, but were no where to be found when he didn’t have enough money to feed himself. This parable highlights a common pitfall: some friends are only around when times are good and resources are plentiful.

Beware of those who:

• Only show up when there’s a party or something to be gained.
• Do not show an interest in contributing to your time together (such as volunteering, that is not asking, to bring a lovely dish to a dinner party and a bottle of wine etc.)
• Disappear when you need support or are going through tough times.
• You only see them when you are footing the bill for everything.
• Constantly take from the relationship without giving back.
• You notice you are NEVER invited out with them or over to their home. You are doing all the hosting and inviting.

Tests to Identify True Friends

To determine if a friend is genuine, consider these tests:

1. The Reciprocity Test: Observe if your friend reciprocates your efforts. True friends make time for you and show interest in your life, not just when it’s convenient for them. If you are giving to them they ought to reciprocate and invite you over and take care of you on occasion too.
2. The Reliability Test: Notice if they are dependable. Can you count on them in times of need, or do they make excuses and disappear?
3. The Happiness Test: Share good news with them and gauge their reaction. A true friend will be as excited as you are, without any underlying jealousy.

Practical Steps to Making Friends After 50

1. Join Clubs and Groups: Engage in activities that interest you. Whether it’s a book club, gardening group, or fitness class, shared interests can be a great foundation for new friendships.
2. Volunteer: Giving back to your community not only feels good but also connects you with like-minded individuals.
3. Reconnect with Old Friends: Reach out to past friends you may have lost touch with. Rekindling old friendships whom you know are not likely to “use” you. This can be rewarding and easier than starting from scratch.
4. Attend Social Events: Accept invitations to social gatherings. Even if you feel hesitant, pushing yourself to attend can lead to unexpected connections.

Conclusion

Building friendships after 50 is not only possible but can also be incredibly fulfilling. By understanding what makes a good friend and being aware of red flags, you can cultivate relationships that bring joy and support into your life. Remember, the quality of your friends matters more than the quantity. Surround yourself with those who celebrate your successes, support you in tough times, and genuinely care about your well-being.

By following these guidelines and being proactive, you’ll find that meaningful connections are well within reach, enriching your life and enhancing your overall well-being.

• To reach out to George or Lesley for coaching support head over to the contact page. Click Here

• For further reading check out, “Navigating jealousy in relationships.” Click Here

References

• Aron, A., Aron, E. N., Tudor, M., & Nelson, G. (2000). Close relationships as including other in the self. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 17(4-5), 471-495.
• Gow, A. J., Pattie, A., Whiteman, M. C., Whalley, L. J., & Deary, I. J. (2013). Social support and successful aging. Journal of Aging and Health, 25(6), 978-993.