Part 2: The Crucial Role of Childhood Discipline in Shaping Adult Self-Control and Sexual Health
The Science of Discipline and Self-Control
One of the most overlooked but vital aspects of emotional and relational health is how children learn to handle boundaries. In particular, the ability to delay gratification—often instilled through healthy, consistent discipline—has a profound impact on impulse control, emotional regulation, and sexual decision-making in adulthood.
As noted in the earlier article, The famous Stanford Marshmallow Experiment (Mischel, 1972) demonstrated that children who could wait for a second marshmallow had greater success in school, relationships, and emotional resilience later in life. More recently, a longitudinal study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health (2019) confirmed that adolescents with low impulse control were significantly more likely to engage in risky sexual behaviour, including unprotected sex and multiple partners.
Children raised with healthy, loving limits not only learn how to say “no” to themselves—they also learn how to set and honour boundaries with others. This foundation is essential for emotional safety and sexual integrity.
“Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.”
— Proverbs 25:28“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”
— 2 Timothy 1:7
Discipline is Not Abuse
In today’s culture, any form of correction is increasingly labeled as “trauma.” But this mischaracterization is dangerous. Discipline is not abuse. Structure is not harm. Teaching a child that “no” is a complete sentence is not oppression—it’s preparation for life.
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (2018), effective discipline includes clear expectations, consistent boundaries, and loving guidance. These aren’t punitive tools—they are protective ones that help children mature into responsible, emotionally grounded adults.
Without discipline, we see adults who:
*Struggle with sexual impulse control
*Equate boundaries with rejection
*Use sexuality to meet emotional or spiritual needs
*Experience relational instability and ongoing regret
In some extreme cases, adult children now go so far as to chastise their parents for not being consulted about their own conception. This irrational demand for control is a product of echo chambers that promote entitlement over maturity, and grievance over gratitude.
Addiction Isn’t Always Trauma
It’s time we say this plainly: not every addiction is the result of trauma. While trauma can certainly contribute, many addictive behaviours stem from a simple but profound lack of discipline in childhood. Children who are never taught to tolerate discomfort or delay gratification often grow into adults who cannot regulate impulses—whether it’s with food, porn, spending, promiscuity, or deceit within relationships.
We are witnessing the fallout of generations raised with indulgence rather than instruction. And unfortunately, some in the trauma community are enabling this regression rather than challenging it.
The Rise of Trauma Influencers (and Why We Should Be Concerned)
In today’s digital world, the word trauma is tossed around by anyone with a ring light and a platform. Social media is flooded with so-called “trauma experts” who lack formal training, clinical experience, or ethical accountability. What they offer isn’t healing—it’s emotional dependency disguised as support.
This trend is not only misleading, it’s dangerous. Many of these self-proclaimed experts prey on people’s pain to build their brand or boost their bank account. By encouraging followers to stay stuck in victim narratives, they create a culture where:
*Victimhood is a badge of honour
*Accountability is offensive
*Growth is optional
*Dependency is normalized
The result? Those who are genuinely recovering from trauma are drowned out by a flood of misdiagnosed distress. And those who simply need structure, support, and truth-telling are taught to fear correction and avoid responsibility.
A Case Study in Real Trauma and Real Resilience
Let me share the story of Maria, a client I’ve worked with (name changed for privacy). Maria was trafficked as a teenager. She was taken across international borders, stripped of her identity, exploited, and emotionally shattered by the very people who were supposed to protect her. Her trauma was real, profound, and devastating.
When she first came to me, Maria had every reason to be bitter, broken, and lost in a cycle of pain. But instead, over time—and with safe, professional support and a deepening faith—she chose a different path. She worked hard to reclaim her story. She confronted the lies she believed about herself, forgave where it was safe and necessary, and rebuilt her life from the inside out. Today, Maria runs a small nonprofit that helps other survivors find healing.
Here’s the striking part: Maria is more resilient, more clear-headed, and more emotionally stable than many individuals who are now being told they’re traumatized simply because they were told “no” as a child.
This is not to dismiss legitimate pain. But it is to say: we are creating mental health problems instead of healing them when we convince people they’ve been traumatized when they have not.
True trauma survivors often don’t want to be seen as victims. They want to overcome. And often, they do.
“Jesus said to him, ‘Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.’”
— John 5:8
Notice what Jesus didn’t say. He didn’t say, “Stay where you are and sit in your sorrow.” He offered healing—and called the man to move forward. Healing requires movement, not just mindfulness.
The Role of Faith and Formation
Sexual self-control is not merely psychological—it’s spiritual. Scripture calls us to honour our bodies and steward our desires according to God’s design:
“Flee from sexual immorality… Whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” — 1 Corinthians 6:18
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” — Matthew 5:8
“How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word.” — Psalm 119:9
Integrity doesn’t emerge in adulthood by accident. It is planted in childhood, nourished through discipline, and reinforced by faith.
Where to Begin: Restoring Discipline and Dignity
If we want to raise emotionally strong and spiritually grounded adults, we must reclaim the power and purpose of discipline. This starts with teaching:
*Delayed gratification
*Emotional regulation
*The ability to hear (and accept) “no”
*Respect for others’ boundaries
*A vision of dignity grounded in God’s truth
Healing is not found in over-identifying with trauma. It’s found in being transformed by truth.
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
— Proverbs 22:6
Honouring Boundaries, Honouring God
Self-control is not a personality trait—it’s the fruit of discipline, shaped by loving correction and rooted in spiritual formation. When we blur the lines between trauma and disappointment, we fail to equip the next generation for strength, intimacy, and resilience.
Let’s stop calling every discomfort trauma. Let’s stop feeding people only validation when what they need is formation. And let’s return to a God who still calls us to rise, walk, and be made well.
To reach out to George or Lesley for coaching support head over to the contact page. Click Here
For further reading check out, “Embracing Growth.” Click Here
