Sibling Bullying Part 2: Dimmed by Design: A Case Study on the Cost of Being Overshadowed and How to Heal

© 2025 Lesley Corbett | Waypoint Wellness & Performance Coaching. All rights reserved.
The Sibling Effect™ is a term developed and introduced by Lesley Corbett. No part of this article may be reproduced without permission.

What happens when your light is constantly eclipsed by someone else’s need to shine?

Not all wounds leave visible marks. Some cut much deeper—into your confidence, your clarity, and your sense of self. These are the wounds formed not by accidents, but by patterns—subtle, repeated dynamics that convince you your presence is optional, your voice is inconvenient, and your light is too much.

Meet Elena. A high-performing, thoughtful woman in her mid-40s. From the outside, her life looked impressive: a respected professional, a loyal friend, and a devoted daughter. But privately, Elena often felt like a ghost in her own story—watching others take credit, rewrite narratives, and quietly edge her out of spaces where she rightfully belonged.

Childhood Roots

Elena was the eldest of three siblings. Her mother struggled with emotional regulation, often overwhelmed or reactive, while her father—though physically present—was emotionally detached. In that unpredictable environment, Elena learned to survive by being responsible, helpful, and quiet.

Her middle sibling, Rachel, was the opposite: fiery, charming, and fiercely competitive. She demanded attention—and got it. Their younger brother, the baby of the family, was protected and doted on.

In this family system, Rachel became an expert at stealing the spotlight. When Elena won a regional science fair, Rachel loudly quipped that Elena only won because “no one else smart enough entered.” The room laughed. Elena’s pride dissolved.

That moment wasn’t isolated. It was a microcosm.

Patterns That Persist

In adulthood, the same dynamic played out on repeat.

At work, Elena quietly solved problems, kept projects on track, and brought calm to complex situations. But in meetings, a colleague would often interrupt or present her ideas as his own. In family gatherings, Rachel continued to dominate—interrupting Elena, redirecting attention, or undermining her with backhanded comments.

The emotional cost was immense:

• Elena began shrinking in professional settings, afraid that speaking up would look like bragging.

• She hesitated to share personal wins with friends, unsure if they’d downplay or dismiss her.

• She felt chronically tired after spending time with people who always had to be the center of attention.

It wasn’t until a trusted friend gently asked, “Why do you always downplay yourself?” that Elena began to see the pattern—and question its origin.

Naming the Pattern: The Sibling Effect™

Through coaching and reflection, Elena discovered that this wasn’t just circumstantial—it was systemic. What she had experienced had a name: The Sibling Effect™. It describes the toxic dynamic where one person consistently seeks to outshine another by minimizing their contributions, hijacking attention, and rewriting the story so they always come out on top.

In Elena’s case, childhood conditioning had taught her that visibility equals vulnerability. That to be seen was to be diminished. And so, she learned to be useful but invisible. Steady but silent. Present, but never fully known.

But naming the pattern was the first step toward freedom.

Reclaiming Her Light

Once Elena saw the truth, she began taking intentional, courageous steps toward healing:

• She practiced speaking up in meetings—starting with just one clear sentence at a time.

• She affirmed her own wins privately before sharing them publicly.

• She created boundaries with people who consistently hijacked or minimized her experiences.

• Most importantly, she stopped apologizing for being competent, capable, and called.

Each small step chipped away at the false belief that she had to shrink in order to belong. Over time, Elena began to show up differently—not louder or flashier, but steadier, clearer, and unafraid of being seen.

The True Cost of Being Overshadowed

The Sibling Effect can rob you of far more than a moment. It can cost you confidence, clarity, peace of mind, and the courage to fully inhabit your life. But once you recognize it, you no longer have to repeat it.

Like Elena, you don’t have to remain stuck in dynamics that were never meant to define you.

You don’t have to compete to matter.
And you don’t have to shrink to stay safe.

Read Part 3 on Sibling Bullying, Reclaiming Your Light: Click Here

To reach out to George or Lesley for coaching support head over to the contact page. Click Here

For further reading on Family Bullying read part 1 of the 3 part series. Click Here