Sibling Bullying Part 3: Reclaiming Your Light: 6 Ways to Overcome the Sibling Effect™for Good

© 2025 Lesley Corbett | Waypoint Wellness & Performance Coaching. All rights reserved.
The Sibling Effect™ is a term developed and introduced by Lesley Corbett. No part of this article may be reproduced without permission.

When you’ve spent a lifetime being dimmed, learning to stand in your light can feel risky—even dangerous. Especially if, somewhere deep inside, you’ve come to believe that being seen means being punished. This belief is not irrational—it’s learned. And it often begins in childhood, in families or environments where visibility triggered jealousy, mockery, or rejection.

This is the reality of The Sibling Effect™—a subtle but damaging dynamic where one person consistently overshadows another, demanding attention while diminishing your worth. Maybe it was a sibling who always stole the spotlight. Maybe it’s a colleague who regularly takes credit. Or maybe it’s a friend who never seems to make space for your voice.

If you learned to cope by shrinking—to avoid conflict, to keep the peace, to stay invisible—then reclaiming your light will require practice, presence, and deep self-compassion.

But it is possible.

---

Here Are Six Practical Ways to Dismantle the Sibling Effect™ and Reclaim Your Voice, Visibility, and Peace

---

1. Name the Pattern Without Shame

Awareness is always the first step. Begin by observing when and where you feel consistently overshadowed. Is it always around a certain sibling? A specific coworker? In team settings or family gatherings?

Notice your inner responses—do you go quiet, zone out, feel flushed, or anxious? These are nervous system cues from a time when staying small kept you safe.

Don’t shame yourself for falling into the pattern. Simply name it. “Ah, this is that moment when I usually retreat.” That kind of mindful recognition weakens the grip of the old story.

🟢 Practice prompt: Keep a “Visibility Triggers” journal. Log when you feel overlooked, and note what you did in response—did you freeze? Apologize? Over-explain? Just observe.

---

2. Affirm Your Worth Internally

When others overshadow us, it’s tempting to look outward for validation. But healing begins when we stop outsourcing our value.

Create internal rituals that affirm who you are—without needing a stage or applause. Journal your daily wins. Record voice memos to yourself like a kind mentor would. Start a digital “you did it” folder with screenshots of kind words, thank-you emails, or completed goals.

Affirmation becomes your internal spotlight. And when you learn to recognize your own brilliance, you stop waiting for others to.

🟢 Practice prompt: Each evening, write down one thing you did well—even if it feels small. Then speak it aloud to yourself with kindness.

---

3. Set Subtle but Strong Boundaries

You don’t need to pick a fight to protect your space. Sometimes the most powerful boundaries are the quietest.

Use simple, assertive phrases:

“I’d like to finish what I was saying.”

“That’s not quite how I experienced it.”

“Can we circle back to what I was sharing?”

These statements aren’t aggressive. They’re anchoring. They signal that you are present, and you’re not willing to be erased.

In some cases, physical or emotional distance from repeat spotlight-stealers may be necessary—not as punishment, but as protection.

🟢 Practice prompt: Role-play boundary-setting with a trusted friend or coach. Practice tone, posture, and breathing. Confidence grows with rehearsal.

---

4. Redefine Visibility as a Gift, Not a Threat

One of the deepest lies from childhood is this: If I shine, someone else will suffer.

That’s not your burden to carry. Your visibility does not threaten anyone else’s value. Your competence does not diminish their capability. Your voice doesn’t silence theirs—it simply adds harmony to the room.

You are not responsible for managing the insecurities of others. You are responsible for showing up as the person God created you to be.

🟢 Practice prompt: Before stepping into a visibility moment (meeting, presentation, social event), take 3 deep breaths and affirm: “It’s safe to be seen. I am not responsible for anyone else’s discomfort.”

---

5. Heal the Inner Child Who Learned to Stay Small

If your younger self learned that being noticed led to mockery, neglect, or punishment, it makes perfect sense that you still hesitate. That child is not weak. That child was wise. They did what they had to do to survive.

But you are not that powerless anymore.

Healing may involve coaching, therapy, EMDR, reflective and prayerful practices, or inner child work. However you approach it, be gentle. Don’t force yourself to “get over it.” Instead, compassionately reparent that part of you with the words you needed then:
“You’re not too much. It’s safe to speak. You don’t have to disappear.”

🟢 Practice prompt: Write a letter to your younger self from your current self. Tell them what they didn’t hear enough: “You are allowed to be seen. You matter.”

---

6. Surround Yourself With People Who Celebrate You

Some people just get you. They clap when you win—not out of politeness, but because they genuinely want to see you thrive.

Healing happens in safe relationships. Seek those out. Build your support circle intentionally—friends, mentors, coaches, or colleagues who encourage your voice, honour your presence, and reflect your strength back to you.

You don’t need a hundred fans. You need a few real ones.

🟢 Practice prompt: Reach out to one person this week who makes you feel strong and seen. Tell them why you value their support.

---

Final Thought

You don’t have to fight for the spotlight.
You just have to stop dimming your own.

Healing from the Sibling Effect™ is about reclaiming the parts of you that once felt unsafe to express. It’s about showing up without apology.
It’s about learning—slowly and faithfully—that you were never too much.
You were simply surrounded by people who were too uncomfortable to witness your light.

That’s no longer your story.

You are allowed to be seen. You are safe to speak. You are worthy of being heard.

For further reading check out another article with extensive case study on Sibling Abuse: Click Here

To reach out to George or Lesley for coaching support head over to the contact page. Click Here

For further reading on Family Bullying read part 1 of the 3 part series. Click Here