Sibling Bullying Part 1: When They Always Have to Be the Star: How to Recognize and Recover from the Sibling Effect™

© 2025 Lesley Corbett | Waypoint Wellness & Performance Coaching. All rights reserved.
The Sibling Effect™ is a proprietary concept developed and introduced by Lesley Corbett. No part of this article may be copied, reproduced, or distributed without written permission.

It’s a familiar but quietly painful scenario: you’ve just accomplished something meaningful, and rather than feeling celebrated, you find yourself subtly undermined or openly overshadowed by a sibling, friend, or coworker. They dominate conversations, shift attention away from your achievements, and seem determined to ensure your accomplishments never fully see the light of day.

Over time, this dynamic leaves you not just disappointed—but confused, disoriented, and often deeply discouraged.

I call this experience The Sibling Effect™.

Though it often begins in our families of origin, it doesn’t stay there. It shows up in workplaces, social circles, and even faith communities—where competition masquerades as charisma and applause for others feels like a personal loss to those caught in this cycle.

What Is the Sibling Effect™?

The Sibling Effect™ refers to a toxic pattern in which one person—often a sibling, but also a symbolic “sibling” such as a peer, coworker, or close friend—relentlessly seeks to gain attention, admiration, or approval by minimizing or overshadowing others. They may do this by:

• Downplaying your successes

• Exaggerating their own contributions

• Interrupting your moments of recognition

• Excluding you to amplify their own importance

• Or subtly undermining your credibility to others

These actions are more than just annoying. They are emotionally abusive.

The underlying message is always the same: You don’t get to shine. Only I do.

And the result? You begin to feel erased.

What Does It Look Like in Real Life?

• At a family gathering, you mention a promotion at work. Before you can finish, your sibling interrupts to announce their own success, effectively hijacking the moment.

• In a team meeting, you present a well-researched idea. As the room begins to take notice, a coworker chimes in with a dramatic tangent that shifts the attention away from you.

• You discover you were excluded from a group event—while others enjoy the social capital of your absence. When confronted, they brush it off as an oversight or joke.

These experiences often happen in ways that are deniable to others—but undeniable to you. The pattern is persistent. And over time, it becomes deeply damaging.

The Roots of the Sibling Effect™

This behaviour usually begins in childhood. In families where love is conditional, approval is scarce, or siblings are pitted against each other—competition becomes survival.

When parental attention is inconsistent or earned only through performance, children often adopt strategies like one-upmanship, exclusion, or sabotage. These dynamics become ingrained and may be carried into adulthood—where the game of “who matters most?” still plays out.

But here’s the deeper betrayal:
When a sibling builds their sense of self by tearing you down, it’s not just rivalry. It’s abuse.

How the Sibling Effect™ Shows Up in Adulthood

Unless it’s addressed, this pattern doesn’t go away. It simply evolves—and begins to shape your identity and relationships.

Here’s how it may manifest:

• Chronic Comparison – You feel like your worth is always being measured against others.

• Self-Silencing – You hold back sharing your joy or achievements to avoid backlash.

• Hyper-vigilance – You walk on eggshells, waiting for someone to interrupt, compete, or exclude.

• Validation Dependence – You crave being seen, but feel guilty or anxious when it happens.

• Imposter Syndrome – Even when you succeed, you second-guess whether you belong.

Eventually, you may start to underachieve to stay safe—or overachieve to prove you’re not invisible. Either way, you lose precious energy and self-worth in a battle you never chose.

Naming It Is the First Step Toward Healing

If this resonates with you, I want to say this clearly:

You are not imagining things.
You are not too sensitive.
You are not wrong for wanting to be seen.
You have a right to your own light.

The first and most powerful act of healing is naming the pattern—calling out the Sibling Effect™ for what it is. When you do, you stop internalizing the behaviour of others as a reflection of your worth.

You begin to reclaim your story.

You begin to make space for your voice, your value, and your God-given significance.

In the next article, I’ll share a real-life case study that illustrates how the Sibling Effect™ impacts identity and belonging—and how healing begins with truth-telling and boundary-setting.

Read Part 2 on Sibling Bullying, Dimmed by Design: Click Here

To reach out to George or Lesley for coaching support head over to the contact page. Click Here

For further reading on Family Bullying read part 1 of the 3 part series. Click Here